This Easter marks 25 years since my dad died. I was barely 20 years old at the time. He's been physically out of my life longer than he was in it. But, he, like my mother who also died a long time ago, is with me every day. On this 25th anniversary, I'd like to share a bit about what it's been like to live with this loss over the years.

In my previous post, "How a Loved One Dies Matters", I spoke about how it took several years for me not to wake up crying on the anniversary of his death. In the first year after his death the oddest things would set me off into a torrent of tears. One moment was my senior year in college. I was eating breakfast when I noticed the butter I was spreading on my toast. What followed was a free association thought process about butter and death. "Butter, that's what killed my dad...eating too much butter which is high in cholesterol. That's what caused him to have a massive heart attack." Then sobs, right there in the cafeteria.

DeVida with her mom and dad

Death has been a big part of my life for over 25 years. I lost both my parents in my 20s—young, I'm reminded every time the subject comes up. This I know from personal experience. Just when I was supposed to finally go out on my own, cut the apron strings, and discover all the wonders life had to offer, I instead found myself facing life and death decisions. While the deaths of my mom and dad were both devastating, they were vastly different. The way in which each chose to face their dying greatly affected the way I reacted and ultimately grieved.

Facing death is a tricky thing. So many emotions flood the system, confusing the heart and mind about what to think, what to do, how to feel. These emotions can easily override our ability to see things clearly from each other's perspective. While a loved one is actually facing death firsthand, those around them are also experiencing the loss.

Melissa Barber, Electronic Communications

To help you get to know us on a more personal basis, we plan to periodically highlight a staff member on our blog. Last spring, we introduced you to our Outreach Staff. Now, we'd like you to meet our Electronic Communications Specialist, Melissa Barber.

If you ever liked us or posted a comment on our Facebook page, received a tweet, joined a TweetChat, or read our blog, Living with Dying, you've communicated with Melissa. While she loves the outdoors, you'll often find her inside behind her computer writing an email, answering the phone, or replying to an online comment in her work to educate people about the Death with Dignity National Center, accessing the Death with Dignity laws in Oregon and Washington, end-of-life care options, and the Death with Dignity movement at large.

We couldn’t maintain our track record of success without your support. Death with Dignity National Center offers a variety of giving options to meet your needs. Two options in particular are planned giving and bequests.

Planned Giving is a great way to give to the Death with Dignity National Center while generating income for yourself. Working with your financial advisor or estate planner, you can set up a charitable gift annuity, a charitable remainder unitrust or annuity trust, or you can designate Death with Dignity National Center as a beneficiary on your life insurance or retirement plan to create a permanent legacy for change.

Bequests ensure the work we do for end-of-life care is available for future generations, create a lasting commitment to dignity and provide improved end-of-life options for all. You can make an outright bequest by leaving a specific dollar amount or a percentage of your estate. Here is a little example bequest language to get you started:

We are pleased to announce the Death with Dignity National Center is an accredited Better Business Bureau (BBB) Wise Giving Alliance Charity!

Receiving BBB accreditation is the culmination of a demanding process. For this distinguished accreditation we underwent a comprehensive evaluation by the BBB Wise Giving Alliance, the nation's most experienced charity evaluator.

The standards go beyond what government regulators require, and the evaluation process was anything but superficial. It involved rigorous scrutiny of our governance, effectiveness, finances, solicitations, and informational materials. Only organizations which meet all 20 Alliance Standards for Charity Accountability are eligible to participate in the seal program.