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from our blog: living with dying |
If Only
Posted by Guest Blogger on November 28, 2011
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Shahina Lakhani, RN, MSN has been a nurse for over 25 years. She's worked as an educator, Nurse Practitioner and a Hospice Nurse. Her passion is to help others experience well-being and live powerfully until their last breath. Below is a poem inspired by a true story about the suffering endured due to lack of an advance directive.
I lay here in my hospital bed brain dead for months now
My spirit hangs in despair between the veil of life and death
Death is what I endure here everyday
Life is what awaits me once I am allowed to be free
From all these tubes, machines and suffering
But who can blame my daughter she love me so dearly
Every day she comes here to see her mother
Hoping I would wake up one day and soothe her hurting heart
Every day she fights with the nurses and the doctors
Slightest sign of decline, a little blemish on my skin
A slight grimace, a faint sign of discomfort
All this is too hard for her to bear so she fights harder
I wish I could ease her pain, her agony
I wish I could reach out and hug her close to my heart
If I could speak, I would like to share so much
I would tell her once again how much I love her
I would tell her how much I have cherished her
I wish I could reassure her that its not her fault
That letting me go does not mean she is giving up on me
If only I had told her when I could still talk
To let me go when my time nears
She would not be so distraught, so miserable and broken
And I would not have to hang between the veil of life and death
Praying for my daughter to have the courage
To let me go so I can live again for eternity
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Comments
This poem is very powerful. It brought tears and deep grief & my precious Mom has been "Home" since Aug 2010. Gratefully she was able to die at home, but still the suffering went on for months. I will put energy into this cause so that hopefully soon, people will be allowed choice in when their suffering ends.
Of course this won't happen until we begin to honestly discuss, and then struggle thru these issues with loved ones. So many of my friends can not do that. And it deeply troubles me. Thank you for all you do.